SistersDVD - 2016
From the critics
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You. You know, you're the type of badass that I was susceptible to in my youth. I used to make out with my Stretch Armstrong doll, so this is, like, a full circle moment for me.
Danger. Walk away. That's a black diamond slope.
I lost a whole bunch of weight recently. Like, 70 pounds.
-Wow. That's great. Yeah, it's a lot.
All right, tell me something else.
-On, uh...I got divorced.
So, you lost, like, 200 pounds.
-Did you lose weight to gain self-confidence?
No. I think I lost the weight so I could gain a better view of my perfect penis. I missed the little guy. Not little. Medium. I miss the medium guy.
Hey. How's everything going?
-I'm crushing it.
How's the man-harvest going?
-James is so hot. My high school heart cramp has turned into a heart-on. I have a heart-on for him.
I have a raging heart-on.
What'chu want? I got ketamine, meth, MDMA, Adderall, Bromo-Dragonfly, heroin, coke, crack, codeine, oxys, percs, vikes, PCP, LSD, Dilaudid, mescaline, mushrooms, bath salts, cortisone, Toradol. I got molly. I got her sister Sandra. I got big Frank. I got birth control. I got Plan B. I got that morphine from China they took off the market. Shxt to make your click hard. Shzt to make your dick soft. shx'll find your dick. That shxt there's from Kenya. Supposed to be a scurvy cure for silverback gorillas, but for humans, it just makes them violently masturbate.
The other day, I saw this old lady looking at me through a window on the street, and I felt bad for her, you know? I waved at her, and she waved back at me, and then I realized that was just my reflection. It was just me and my old beef jerky face. Why does time do that to faces?
Dan and Kim. You got four kids, and from what I can thin slice from your Christmas letters, they're wangs. ... Kelly! Your profile pic is a low-fat Mexican casserole. Yeah, it is. Rob, when was the last time you danced with the night air hitting your nips? Guns N' Roses. Citrus Bowl, 1991. Don't you wanna feel that carefree again? Just, like, balls deep in joy? Yes! Yeah. Where'd them balls go? What are you doing? I'm being your hype man. Great. It's not too late. The young you still lives inside you. Just like shingles, y'all. We used to party in this house like animals because we thought we would never die. I say, tonight, we party like Vikings because we know we could die tomorrow! Let's light a boat on fire! Tonight is my gift to you! Drink up and run with scissors tonight, because Mama got you.
Oh, pulling out the granddaughter card. God damn it. All right, I'll give you two weeks to fix it up and then I'm torching it for insurance.
I hate keeping secrets. Especially from my sister. It gives me guilt diarrhea.
God. We need, like, a little less "Forever 21" and a little more "Suddenly 42."
Kelly! Ugh! When did we all get so old? I mean, at least the women are making an effort,
but the men here? Look like they're being slowly poisoned.
-I think it's about how you feel, right? Done. You know? Best days behind us. Right, guys'?
I don't know. You might live like another eight or 10 years, Kelly. You don't wanna be looking at it like that. Chase was like a 10-pound baby. So when he came out of there, I mean' it was ...
Life is about challenges and shadows and corners and feeling weird.
-You are so full of shit, that I'm gonna buy you Pull-Ups.
Obviously, it's the gay men who have the great party ideas. I wish being gay was a choice because I
always did like that shorts and boots look.
I never met a Brayla before. (Now I know what a Brayla is!)
-I know, like, three.
Oh, so you're trending. God bless.
-You know, it's a lot of under teat but I think I'm getting away with it.
Also it's, um, on backwards.
How's it going in there?
-I don't get this dress. One of my apples keeps rolling out of the bag.
-But I like the story it tells with the fringe.
You're gonna have to rock a thong with this, though.
-Oh, no, I don't wear thongs. I have a very fussy taint.
You just have to build up a callus. Right, Brayla?
“Mom, this guy wants to know if he can get 10% off his manicure because he only has nine fingers.
-Hang up. It's your grandpa pranking us.Nice try,
Quotes are usually short. So are dicks, but sometimes you hit the jackpot.
You know, everybody always said to us... "Enjoy your kids while they're young because it goes so fast." I don't know what the fxck they were talking about, because it seems like we'll never be done.We keep trying to pass you the baton. You won't take it. Take it! Just take the fxcking baton!”
Without the dark night, we would never see the bright stars.
I want you to be responsible so that I don't have to be. It is too stressful sleeping with you on a pull-out couch in your friend's dining room.
-She is not my friend. She was our bug man.
I need to learn to be more irresponsible otherwise I'm going to be hazed so bad in college.
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LoganLib_Bailey thinks this title is suitable for 15 years and over
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